"My son's death crushed me completely. The weight is more than I can bear. They say that some day I'll be happy again. The wait is more than I can bear. I spoke those words on May 15, 1993, four months after my son's death. (Now nearly five years later,) I am happy again, despite the fact that the pain is still there and always will be. "

"My son has helped make me who I am today and I am forever grateful for his existence. He has taught me so much about life yet he never spoke a word."

"People think you're not handling it because you're crying. Crying is handling it. It is a normal part of the process."

"I really regret not holding Caitlin. She is my child; a part of me. I needed to bond with her and never got that chance. Whatever you do, hold your child. It is a deep regret that I will live with the rest of my life."

"You will not ever forget your child. It has been nearly forty years since our son died. We have never forgotten him"

"My strongest belief is that you should grieve as long as you need to and however you see fit. Sometimes people think you're crying too much but don't listen to them. Don't be afraid to show your emotions. Talking, yelling, crying and laughter were all a very big part of my grief."

"I held my baby but only for a few minutes. I didn't hold her long enough. I didn't really look at her or unwrap the blanket. In retrospect, I wish I would have spent more time holding her, looking at her feet and hands and making memories with her."

"Every anniversary date that goes by is not any different than any other day of the year without our child. It is just another day that our child is not with us. You miss them just as much any other day. Remember that."

"I never imagined anyone else could feel the kind of grief that I am feeling."

"It was better to have known her for a little while, than not at all."

"Above all else, be supportive of your spouse, and look to your spouse for support. Let love, friendship and time bring comfort."

"Don't let anyone belittle or minimize the pain that you are feeling. It doesn't matter when your child died; in utero, two days, two months, or twenty years. You still lost a part of your present and future. Because of that, you will never be the same."

"The one thing I would have done differently is to hold Austin at the funeral home. No matter how much it hurts at the time, I should have held him. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye the way I wanted to. I want everyone to know how important this is. Being scared is normal, but hold your child anyway!"

"It was the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. I have many friends who tried to help but they don't understand the impact his life and death has had on our life."

"I don't know how the world continues on. How do we function when we feel such unbearable pain? Sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up for a year."

"I wish I had known to open his eyes in the hospital and take pictures."

"Many people will look for the "old you" especially friends and family. They will expect you to turn back to where you were before. In reality, this will not happen. It can't. You have been to a different place in life now and it does change your life forever. This does not mean you won't grow-it means you will grow in another direction. This is hard for some to accept. You must be patient with yourself and realize that they do not understand and may not ever understand. If they have not been there...well, it's just hard for them to see.

"I felt so cheated and angry. I had so many hopes and dreams for him. There is not a day that I don't think about him and miss him. I keep a picture of him on my dresser. Even though he is not here, he continues to be my strength."

"We decided to interrupt our sons pregnancy at six months. Nissuma had trisomy 13, a genetic disorder that is incompatible with life. He had neurological, cardiac and kidney problems and would have suffered tremendously. But the decision that has affected our lives the most profoundly is that I did not hold him when he died. I felt I couldn't handle the pain or the memories it would leave with me. I wish I had someone there that could tell me how much I'd regret that decision later. Nissuma deserved to be held by his mother, physically, for even just a short time. To all the parents going through this, you can handle holding your baby. And to Nissuma, I hold you everyday in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers."

"When John died, a cross was nailed to our backs. It was heavy and we had no direction for our long journey into grief. As we walked into a life that seemed to offer no hope, we slowly picked up our cross. We began to understand that we could choose to drag our cross in anger and bitterness, or pick it up in love and memory of our beloved son, John. Our cross is much lighter now. But it remains unseen and forgotten by all except us, John's parents."

"My wife and I decided in October that we would let nature take it's course and allow God to make the decision when conception would occur. We found out in December that Gina was pregnant. We realized that there is uncertainty with our third pregnancy, but we remain hopeful. When I reflect back, I feel I have lived two lives. One, when Courtney was born and the second when Nicholas was born. I am on my third life as far as I am concerned. Hopefully, this will be the greatest one of all and the last. Everything that has happened seems as if it's been much longer than it actually has been."

Todd Beisner, Daddy to Courtney Lynn Beisner, Born September 13, 1995
Died September 13, 1995, holoproencephaly
Nicholas Allan Beisner, Born January 2, 1997
Died January 2, 1997, Potter's Disease

"Find someone willing to listen without judging. Don't let anyone tell you that you're crazy or out of line for your personal expressions, actions or thoughts. Only you know what you are feeling and know what you are going through after the death of your child. But first and foremost continue to love and communicate with your family."